Student Takes Final Shower Before Midterms

Stock / The Triton

With three midterms this coming week, it has been confirmed that UCSD student Loraine Smithson has already taken her last shower of the quarter. Those who are frequently in her vicinity, particularly those who have a functioning sense of smell, are reportedly “disappointed”.        

Smithson was last seen rushing down Library Walk late Monday evening with visibly wet hair. Smithson’s roommate, Ally Linghern, confirmed that she had just taken “a full forty-five minute shower” and used liquid laundry detergent instead of the usual body wash hoping to maintain her fresh scent for an extended period of time. She then hurried off to attend her second review session of the day.

With a minimum of 80 hours of studying planned for the week, Smithson noted that skipping a daily shower is only logical. By cutting showering and the redressing that then becomes necessary, she saves 27 minutes each day. Smithson said the time saved over the week is plenty to reread a textbook chapter, and added that “this is no time to prioritize hygiene or health.” When asked for clarification on the time frame she was referring to, she added that the shower abstention may last through finals week, considering she has at least one test every week until the conclusion of the quarter.

In response to concerns about the showerless weeks ahead, Smithson noted that she plans to “study until her hair falls out,” inferring that visible grease build-up shouldn’t be an issue.

Updates still to come on how long Smithson’s “linen fresh” scent maintains.

Sarah Howell is a staff writer for The Triton.