The Conch

The Conch

Introverted First Year Accidentally Joins Every Club on Library Walk

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Andrew Nguyen, an introverted first year in Sixth College, along with his suitemates, were invited to meet the members of the Hypebeasts Club during Week 1. …

The Conch

Khosla Got This Bread So You Don’t Have To

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Chancellor Pradeep Khosla was spotted stapling pieces of bread to the Eucalyptus trees in Warren Mall. Ever in touch with the youth, Khosla said, “I keep …

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ERC and Sixth: A Friendship That Could Never Be

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My dear friend in Eleanor Roosevelt College (ERC), If you are receiving this letter, it means that it has been delivered to you upon my last …

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Spam Quarantine Email Quarantines Itself, Explodes Space-Time Continuum

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The universe ceased to exist on Wednesday, when UC San Diego’s Spam Quarantine notification quarantined itself. The system tried to notify a student of new Tapingo …

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Poli Sci Major Lists “Politics” as Interest on Tinder, Entitled to More Matches

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Jimmy McDecker sits in his Marshall College Upper Apartment every Tuesday, desperately swiping on three different dating apps. As the night wears on, he sags deeper …

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The Conch: Fighting Stupidity With Half Our Brain Tied Behind Our Back

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Much like a UC San Diego student’s sense of self-worth, The Conch has taken a two-year hiatus. But now we’re back to bring you the latest …

The Conch

My Top Fears for Sun God 2017

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The lineup will be bad. The lineup will be bad but I will attend anyways in order to maintain my social status as a cool student …

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Student Takes Final Shower Before Midterms

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With three midterms this coming week, it has been confirmed that UCSD student Loraine Smithson has already taken her last shower of the quarter. Those who …

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UCSD’s Unknown 2nd Best Rankings

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Last year, one of the central arguments for Division I athletics was that it would be the final step towards shedding UCSD’s “second-best” stigma. With the …

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Student Body Upset by Medium Sized Puddle

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Following Monday afternoon’s slight drizzle, students discovered a medium-sized puddle in the middle of Library Walk, which was described by some Southern California natives as “a …