Arlene Banuelos / The Triton
Much like a UC San Diego student’s sense of self-worth, The Conch has taken a two-year hiatus. But now we’re back to bring you the latest in fabricated journalism. Here’s a little about us:
We’ll have a faux news reporting style that uses antiquated forms no longer seen in modern news media. Said The Triton’s News Editor, “I don’t think this is going to work.”
Our section will also include the latest hot takes, unpopular opinions, and reminders that Michael Jackson is not someone to idolize.
Will our articles be about UCSD? You bet.
Can we promise to publish our latest musings consistently? We cannot.
Were parachute pants a mistake? Yes. Yes they were. Except for 10-year-old Ryan Gosling.
The one thing we can promise is that our content will always be in easily digestible, bite-sized pieces, kinda like Tide Pods. We only make this guarantee because this tongue-in-cheek gag gets old after, like, 300 words.
So keep checking back for the latest from The Conch. Like Joe Biden, we’ll be in frequent contact that you really didn’t ask for.
To make your own contribution to fabricated journalism, apply here.
Patrick Alexander is the Editor of The Conch and an Assistant Opinion Editor of The Triton.
This story will be updated as more information becomes available. On May 20, 2025, Chancellor…
Hostile architecture is nothing new for UC San Diego’s campus. From anti-homeless dividers on benches…
Gary Fields is a very politically outspoken Communications professor. One who is engaging and means…
This review contains spoilers for both the Attack on Titan series and The Last Attack…
Pro-Palestine protesters holding a sign in front of Geisel Library. Courtesy of McKenzie Turner. On…
On Tuesday, January 21, 2025, Students for Justice for Palestine (SJP) organized a walkout and…
View Comments
Great article. I will be facing many of these issues as well..
Everyone loves what you guys are usually up too.
Such clever work and coverage! Keep up the great works
guys I've included you guys to blogroll.