Introverted First Year Accidentally Joins Every Club on Library Walk

Andrew Nguyen, an introverted first year in Sixth College, along with his suitemates, were invited to meet the members of the Hypebeasts Club during Week 1. Looking to make new friends for the year, as well as find free food, he somehow found himself registered in 483 student clubs.

“They were like a horde coming all at once,” Nguyen said. “It was as if God tried to compensate me for the hundreds of those who swiped left on me on Tinder.”

Originally, Nguyen and his other timorous suitemates formed the Anti-Social Social Club out of irony during Week 0. Nguyen’s suitemates explained to The Conch that Nguyen was unanimously voted to be their president because he had apparently locked himself in his room during Move-In Day just to avoid speaking to others. After receiving an email from the Hypebeasts Club to meet them on Library Walk for a collaboration, Nguyen suddenly found himself bombarded with other clubs trying to recruit him.

Once the horde came, Nguyen’s suitemates explained, they took off to go back to the dorms, leaving Nguyen to deal with this newfound popularity by himself.

Nguyen told The Conch that he accidentally joined both the Muslim Student Association and the Christian Association.

“I’m so non-confrontational I don’t know how to say no to people,” Nguyen explained.

When asked why the Christian Organization recruited Nguyen, President Thomas Olyphant commented, “His silence is like, so profound. It really speaks on so many levels without ever having to say anything.”

To get a glimpse of the life of Andrew Nguyen, The Conch went to Library Walk to tail the first year. It wasn’t much of a surprise to see that once again, Nguyen had been hassled by another club.

“HELLO THERE, FRESHMAN. What wonderful weather we are having. Would you like to donate to the committee of ‘Let’s Make Christmas Stickers of Chancellor Khosla and Stick It on Every Statue at UCSD,’ also known as, LMCSOCKASIOESAU?” Jack Anderson, president of LMCSOCKASIOESAU, jubilantly inquired.

“…Oh, golly,” Nguyen muttered tentatively.

“GREAT! Your enthusiasm is inspiring and astounding! For a mere measly donation of $1,000, you can get a free sticker. WOO!”

After making a donation that would not help his student debt, Nguyen decided that he would not like to join any more clubs. 

Victoria Pham is a Contributing Writer for The Triton.