The Art of Exaggeration: Navigating the Maintenance Request System

As a student at the prestigious University of Exaggeration, I’ve learned to navigate the labyrinthine maze of the notorious maintenance request system.

If you want to get anything fixed in a timely manner, you better make sure your problem is serious enough to warrant immediate attention. Case in point: My friend A. When his washing machine broke down, he reported the issue to the school’s maintenance department, only to be met with a shrug and a dismissive “We’ll get to it when we can.” It’s not that A’s problem wasn’t important—it’s just that it wasn’t urgent enough to warrant the maintenance team’s attention.

But then there’s B, who took the art of exaggeration to a whole new level. When her washing machine broke down, she didn’t just report the issue—she went into full-on melodramatic mode. According to B, the machine caused a biblical flood that threatened to sweep away everyone in its path. People were using their clothes as makeshift rafts, and some were even forced to squat on top of the machine to avoid being swept away by the raging waters. And the maintenance team swooped in and fixed the problem in record time, all while congratulating themselves on their heroic efforts.

Meanwhile, poor A was left to deal with his broken washing machine on his own. He couldn’t help but feel like he’d been played for a fool. After all, he had been honest about the extent of his problem, while B had blatantly fabricated hers. And yet, she was the one who received immediate attention and a resolution to her issue.

And the maintenance requests didn’t stop at washing machines. When the heating system in her dormitory started making noises, B went full-on drama queen and claimed that the noise was causing her neurasthenia and depression, making it impossible for her to focus on anything other than the incessant clanging and banging of the heating pipes. Finally, she got immediate attention and the maintenance crew arrived at her dorm a few hours later.

When A reported the same noise issue in the heating system, he was met with a dismissive attitude and a halfhearted attempt to fix the problem. He claimed that the noise was affecting his sleep, but the maintenance team just shrugged and said, “Eh, it’s within acceptable limits.” Apparently, the University thinks it’s acceptable for students to suffer from sleep deprivation and become the walking dead during the day.

It’s a sad state of affairs when the only way to get something fixed is to exaggerate and fabricate the severity of the problem. But that’s the reality of the maintenance request system. So, the next time something breaks down, I’ll know exactly what to do: Start spinning a tall tale that would make even the most skilled storyteller green with envy. After all, it’s not the truth that sets you free—it’s the exaggeration.

Chloe Sun is an Arts and Culture Writer and Conch Writer for The Triton.