Patrick Alexander
Dear The Triton, Please Abdicate Your Moral Authority Like Other Campus Publications
Dear The Triton, I, your lowly former opinion editor, saw a submission in another (more incredible) campus publication today, and…
Khosla Got This Bread So You Don’t Have To
Chancellor Pradeep Khosla was spotted stapling pieces of bread to the Eucalyptus trees in Warren Mall. Ever in touch with…
Spam Quarantine Email Quarantines Itself, Explodes Space-Time Continuum
The universe ceased to exist on Wednesday, when UC San Diego’s Spam Quarantine notification quarantined itself. The system tried to…
Sun God: A Supposedly Fun Event I’ll Never Go to Again
You stand in a quarter-mile line for too long. You scratch the skin under the wristband you’ve been wearing since…
Poli Sci Major Lists “Politics” as Interest on Tinder, Entitled to More Matches
Jimmy McDecker sits in his Marshall College Upper Apartment every Tuesday, desperately swiping on three different dating apps. As the…
The Conch: Fighting Stupidity With Half Our Brain Tied Behind Our Back
Much like a UC San Diego student’s sense of self-worth, The Conch has taken a two-year hiatus. But now we’re…
Duped by Troupe: A Failure of Imagination in La Jolla
When literature professors encouraged my classes to attend one of former UC San Diego professor Quincy Troupe's four readings in…
Stop Talking About UCSD Football: Why the Perennial Debate is Useless
In 2010, UC San Diego paid consultants $28,000 to study the feasibility of establishing a football program at UCSD, as…
The Looming Geisel Legacy
Content warning: The following article references suicide. Before intentionally swallowing a lethal dose of barbiturates, Helen Palmer Geisel wrote a…
The Enduring Myths of the Six-College System—General Education is a Fraud
This week, freshmen will encounter their first midterms in their often rightly-bemoaned college writing programs. For some, this is only…