Patrick Alexander

SubmissionThe Conch

Dear The Triton, Please Abdicate Your Moral Authority Like Other Campus Publications

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Dear The Triton, I, your lowly former opinion editor, saw a submission in another (more incredible) campus publication today, and it got me thinking about ways …

The Conch

Khosla Got This Bread So You Don’t Have To

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Chancellor Pradeep Khosla was spotted stapling pieces of bread to the Eucalyptus trees in Warren Mall. Ever in touch with the youth, Khosla said, “I keep …

The Conch

Spam Quarantine Email Quarantines Itself, Explodes Space-Time Continuum

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The universe ceased to exist on Wednesday, when UC San Diego’s Spam Quarantine notification quarantined itself. The system tried to notify a student of new Tapingo …

OpinionStaff Op-Ed

Sun God: A Supposedly Fun Event I’ll Never Go to Again

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You stand in a quarter-mile line for too long. You scratch the skin under the wristband you’ve been wearing since Thursday that was at first annoying, …

The Conch

Poli Sci Major Lists “Politics” as Interest on Tinder, Entitled to More Matches

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Jimmy McDecker sits in his Marshall College Upper Apartment every Tuesday, desperately swiping on three different dating apps. As the night wears on, he sags deeper …

The Conch

The Conch: Fighting Stupidity With Half Our Brain Tied Behind Our Back

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Much like a UC San Diego student’s sense of self-worth, The Conch has taken a two-year hiatus. But now we’re back to bring you the latest …

Arts and CultureLiterature

Duped by Troupe: A Failure of Imagination in La Jolla

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When literature professors encouraged my classes to attend one of former UC San Diego professor Quincy Troupe’s four readings in San Diego this month, I never …

OpinionStaff Op-Ed

Stop Talking About UCSD Football: Why the Perennial Debate is Useless

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In 2010, UC San Diego paid consultants $28,000 to study the feasibility of establishing a football program at UCSD, as well as NCAA Division I sports …

OpinionStaff Op-Ed

The Looming Geisel Legacy

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Content warning: The following article references suicide. Before intentionally swallowing a lethal dose of barbiturates, Helen Palmer Geisel wrote a note to her husband Theodor, stating …

OpinionStaff Op-Ed

The Enduring Myths of the Six-College System—General Education is a Fraud

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This week, freshmen will encounter their first midterms in their often rightly-bemoaned college writing programs. For some, this is only the fourth of 50 brutally-paced weeks …