The Conch

The Triton’s Premier Satirical Section, and by “premier,” we mean “only.” Our articles may include faux news reports, tongue-in-cheek op-eds, persona authors, and Buzzfeed-style lists.

Bike Theft at UCSD

In November alone, 30 bicycles were reported stolen on campus, according to the UCSD police department’s crime logs. However, this number is likely ...

Ask Amelia #1

Frustrated Texter: I’ve been receiving repeated attentions from someone, and I’m not sure how to get the message across that I’m ...
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