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The Triton. Independent, student-run news source at UC San Diego

The Triton

Independent, student-run news source at the University of California, San Diego.

  • News
    • Campus
    • Greek Life
    • Labor
    • Local
    • Sexual Misconduct
    • Student Government
    • UC System
  • Opinion
    • Community Op-Eds
    • Editorial
    • Letters to the Editor
    • Staff Op-Ed
  • Arts and Culture
    • Club Culture
    • Dance
    • Events on Campus
    • Film
    • Food
    • Literature
    • Music
    • Student Life
    • The Triton Recommends
    • Theatre
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  • The Conch

The Conch

Although formerly known as an amalgam of satire, quirky news, and non-fiction that did not find a home in one of the other sections, The Conch now exists as a strictly satirical section. Articles can employ a variety of design principles or gimmicks but should always have a point. These can include faux news reports, tongue-in-cheek op-eds, persona authors, and Buzzfeed-style lists.

The Conch Submission Logo
Posted inSubmission, The Conch

Dear The Triton, Please Abdicate Your Moral Authority Like Other Campus Publications

by Patrick Alexander April 1, 2020March 4, 2023
Graphic of a student walking down UC San Diego Library Walk with flyers in the air.
Posted inThe Conch

Introverted First Year Accidentally Joins Every Club on Library Walk

by Victoria Pham January 22, 2020March 4, 2023
Photo of UC San Diego Chancellor Khosla photoshopped wearing a hat near a tree with bread stapled on it
Posted inThe Conch

Khosla Got This Bread So You Don’t Have To

by Patrick Alexander and Ella Chen, Ella Chen and Patrick Alexander January 15, 2020March 4, 2023
Posted inThe Conch

ERC and Sixth: A Friendship That Could Never Be

by Isabelle Wong December 4, 2019March 4, 2023
Posted inThe Conch

Spam Quarantine Email Quarantines Itself, Explodes Space-Time Continuum

by Patrick Alexander May 30, 2019March 4, 2023
Posted inThe Conch

Poli Sci Major Lists “Politics” as Interest on Tinder, Entitled to More Matches

by Patrick Alexander May 1, 2019March 4, 2023
Posted inThe Conch

The Conch: Fighting Stupidity With Half Our Brain Tied Behind Our Back

by Patrick Alexander April 23, 2019March 4, 2023
Posted inThe Conch

My Top Fears for Sun God 2017

by Curtis Yee April 4, 2017March 4, 2023
Posted inThe Conch

Student Takes Final Shower Before Midterms

by Sarah Howell February 9, 2017March 4, 2023
Posted inThe Conch

UCSD’s Unknown 2nd Best Rankings

by Mo Elew January 24, 2017March 4, 2023

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The Triton is not in any way affiliated with UC San Diego and the opinions expressed therein are not the overall public opinions of UCSD, Associated Students of UCSD, or our staff. Editorials represent the majority opinion of The Triton Editorial Board. Materials produced by The Triton do not reflect the views of the Regents of the University of California and the Regents do not endorse, warrant, or otherwise take responsibility for said content.

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